A man built my house.
He did quite a crappy job.
Now he won't fix it.

Billy is missing.
I mailed him certified note.
He hasn't called yet.

A Yankee-built home
Is indeed a bad purchase,
Especially ours.

Ninety-Day Walkthroughs
Should always be completed
Within the first year.

My walls have pimples!
Actually, they're nail pops.
His drywall crew sucks.

He wants to help us
My wife told me when he came.
Haven't seen him since.

He reeked of liquor
When we made his acquaintance.
Gave us a fridge, though.

I'll come plant your grass.
You didn't plant any grass.
I'll come plant your grass.

Hi, Troubleshooter?
Skyler Homes has shafted me.
Put them in the news.

Hi, 5 on Your Side?
Skyler Homes has shafted me.
Put them in the news.

A coolant hose broke.
Now I drive the Isuzu.
A pain in the gas.

Doing work?  Untrue!
You are gone to the crapper!*
Touché!  I concur.

*See also My Kingdom by Kenneth Childs

A large semi-truck
Plus a small railroad bridge makes
Paperwork for cops.

Seven-inch tall man
That's not his real height, you see.
Copied the wrong stat.

I tried to buy the
Unhyphenated version.
[Dang] you, GoDaddy!

Whiteville trips cancelled
Lest I become a farmer.
He suggests turnips.

His phone now it rings
More jolly than the last tone.
Sounds like Fam'ly Feud

Make right from thru lane.
Nevermind checking mirrors.
A nice new bumper!

Half past two, she pumps.
Three o'clock, blank computer.
Dead power supply.

A jumbled voice mail.
Seven thoughts at the same time.
My day has begun.

When you are not here
I do not sleep well because
You kick the dogs out.

I have one PC
And I have two monitors.
Can you tell me why?

No haiku today.
I am terribly sorry.
Perhaps tomorrow?

Ken wrote a poem
Mocking Poetry.com
Now it is published.

I left quite the gap
On this here Haiku website.
My apologies.

Ken blocks my Haiku
With his poetry titles.
All trisyllibic.

Haiku Haiku yay!
Haiku Haiku Haiku yay!
Yay! Haiku Haiku

Hippie treehuggers
Write haiku about nature.
What a bunch of crap!

Submit a haiku
In the form of an E-mail
I will publish it.

Quixtar is a sham.
Whosoever is decieved
By it is not wise.

Richard's buying lunch
Hooray!  Hooray!  I don't pay!
Today I eat free!

Dagnabbit Richard!
Your boss blew our lunch time!
(That's not all he blows!)

Some fickle meeting
Cancelled our trip to eat at
Cracker Barrel.  [Dang!]

I like to Haiku.
I could do it ev'ry day!
It's educa...crap
You learn words and stuff.

Football is Baptist.
Because when you make touchdown
You cannot then dance.

O, But I digress.
If it were really Baptist,
There would be no beer.

Na na na na na
Na na where da hood at? Where's
Da hood?  Where's it at?

Forgetting your crime
Won't save your life
You're still gonna die.

Cracker Barrel is
A place for white folks to eat
According to G.

Hey you got fatter.
Marriage will do that to ya.
Believe me, I know.

We saw you three times.
We were there for an hour.
Enjoy your small tip.

Rusted oil pan
Can be very expensive.
Erin knows too well.

Norton really sucks.
Really really really sucks.
I uninstalled it.

I had a Haiku
On the tip of my fingers
But I forgot it.

The Sony PCs
They seem to be real sorry.
I don't want this crap

Internet poker?
Because it's a lot more fun
Than doing real work.

Poker for money
Makes Ken poor in the wallet.
Yeah, I folded too.

Happy birthday to
You, happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, man.

My wife cut her hair.
It was real long when she left
But now it is short.

Unisys done broke
Yet another motherboard.
Do they suck that bad?

One million dollars,
If I did have, I'd buy you
A green dress.  (Not real.)

94.7
Plays the same 3 or 4 new
Songs repeatedly.

Your job may suck but
It really beats having to
Sell pencils street-side.

That guy looks like he's
Trying to [crap] but it just
Won't come out for him.

High on a hill lived
A lonely goat herd singing...
More like yodeling.

Where would one hide, say,
A '94 Camaro?
Around back perhaps?

Where would one hide, say,
An '84 Camaro?
Front yard, up on blocks.

No Haiku today.
Please check again on Monday
For more Haiku fun!

Vacation mistake
Leaves me with negative days.
I'm a sad panda.

Tell me why is it
That spam now seems to come in
The form of Haiku?

Richard's in trouble,
And it's all because of Ken.
Shame, shame, shame, Richard.

"What is Febturday?"
"N-n-n-n-n-no-o."
"HAR HAR!  She said TURD!"

Fark got me started
But why do I continue?
I'm not really sure.

Certified mail cuz
Fax number's disconnected.
Troubleshooter time?

Irony:  Richard
Cancels lunch with Christy
To dine with some guys.

Chocolate fountains
Resemble venus flytraps.
Please release Ken's head.

Something is missing.
I don't know what it could be.
Ah-ha!  More Haiku!

Have you read my blog?
It is chock full of info.
(Every now and then...)

MySpace.com is
A place where you can have friends,
Even when you don't!

When a year has past
Without a single Haiku
Poet gets rusty.

Haiku are missing.
They're in a secure venue
For my sole pleasure.

I had to pee bad.
My left leg was going numb.
Prob'ly not healthy.

There's hair on my back.
I wouldn't really mind if
It were on both sides.

Haiku here, not prose.
Imus has his foes.  Not the
Nappy headed hoes.

Indivisible.
Inevitability.
Singularity.